Understanding Your Child
By Dr. Sue Stephenson, Psychiatrist
In order to understand what a child's behavior may mean, we have to think of several different things. Understanding a child is more complicated than understanding another adult who can tell us directly what he is thinking and feeling. One factor is that children go through different stages of behavior as they grow up, so that behavior which is normal at one age is abnormal at another time. For instance, it is natural for a baby of eight months old to cling to his mother and "make strange", but abnormal for a six year old to continually want to stay with his mother and refuse to go to school.
We have to remember that young children tell us things by their play or behavior, and are often not able to tell us how they feel, to say they are angry or upset, until much later. For instance, a toddler who is upset or afraid may suck his thumb, fetch his security blanket or toy, or rock the bed. A child of three or four who is hurt, unhappy or for instance upset and confused by a change of foster home may develop behavior problems, e.g. sleeping difficulties, refusing food, temper tantrums. Older children may show their feelings by fighting with other children, dawdling, bed-wetting, stealing, lying, etc.
As parents we have two tasks. These are to deal with the behavior and discipline the child if necessary as well as trying to understand why the child is acting the way he is. The second part is very important, and unfortunately is often neglected by a busy mother. We must wonder- is a child fighting with his brothers and sisters because he feels hurt, upset or angry? Does he feel jealous or misunderstood? Or, is he a recent foster child who feel angry, neglected, and abandoned by his parents? Why does he feel this way? How can we understand it, how can we help with his problems- even if his behavior makes us very frustrated?
This is very important to us as parents. And, as foster parents you often have to have added patience and understanding to help troubled children who are confused, angry, upset, and feel no one wants them and that they belong no where.